开一个贴，每天发一个英语笑话让大家学习！

china8boy

&nbsp;<br/><br/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!&nbsp;<br/><br/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;

china8boy

四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

jimmy506

好啊，顶！

jimmy506

<p>早上在广场听到许多mm在练习英语，太好了！周围观了很多人，我也在中间，真是很为她们高兴！讲得实在不错，hello!</p>

jimmy506

Two birls <p>Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Teacher: Please tell us. </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 两只鸟 </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 老师：请说说看。 </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。</p>

jimmy506

The New Teacher <p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; George comes from school on the first of September. </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother. </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....." </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 新老师 </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。 </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。 </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"</p>

jimmy506

A physics Examination <p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears. </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 一次物理考试 </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。 </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？ </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。 </p>

jimmy506

Customer: Give me a hot dog. <p>Waiter: With pleasure. </p><p>Customer: No, with mustard. <table cellpadding="0" align="left" border="0"><tbody><tr><td></td></tr></tbody></table></p><p>顾客：来个热狗。 </p><p>侍者：很高兴。</p><p>顾客：不要，加上芥末。</p><p>(注：英语中with pleasure是“很高兴”的意思。这位顾客把pleasure当成调料了。怪不得他说不要pleasure,要芥末呢。)</p>

jimmy506

Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you all to answer at once. How much is 6 plus 4? <p>Student: At once!</p><p>老师：全班同学听着，不管我问什么，你们都要马上回答。6+4等于几？</p><p>学生：马上。 </p>

china8boy

<div align="center"><font size="3">Two Brothers <br/>Two little boys wanted to ask a favor of their mother. <br/>　　　 "You ask her," said Paul, age ten. <br/>　　　 "No," said Roy, age nine, "You ask her, you have known her longer than I have." <br/></font></div>

china8boy

<br/>两兄弟 <br/>两个小男孩想找他们的母亲帮忙。 <br/>　　　“你去找她。”十岁的保罗说。 <br/>　　　“不，”九岁的罗伊说，“你去，你比我更早认识她。”<br/><br/>

china8boy

I don't want Him to know I'm here <br/><br/>A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out-of-town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before going to home, but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar-and-grill with a questionable reputation. After being served, one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace. 'I'd rather not,', the clergyman said, ' I don't want Him to know I'm here.'&nbsp;&nbsp; <br/><br/>　

china8boy

　一位著名牧师和他教区的几位老人出席城外会议直到天黑才开完会，他们打算在回家前吃点东西。但很不巧只有一家名声不好的下等酒吧烤菜馆开着门。&nbsp;&nbsp;饭后，一位老人要牧师祈祷。“我想我是免了，”牧师说。“我不想让主知道我在这里。” <br/><p><br/></p>

china8boy

A Useful Lesson <br/><br/>In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar． <br/>Mr． Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young． Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday， Mr．Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time．They drank for half an hour， and then Mr．Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you a useful lesson．You must always be careful not to drink too much． And how do you know when you"ve had enough？ Well， I"ll tell you．Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar？ When they seem to have become four，you"ve had enough and should go home．” <br/>“But， Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar．” <br/><br/>

china8boy

有益的教训 <br/><br/>在英国，十八岁以下的人不准进酒吧喝酒。 <br/>汤普森先生以前常常去他家附近的一个酒吧喝酒，但他从来不带他的儿子汤姆去，因为他年纪太小。后来，当汤姆年满十八岁的时候，汤普森先生第一次带他去他常去的那家酒吧。他们喝了半个小时，而后，汤普森先生对他儿子说：“汤姆，现在我要告诉你一个有益的教训。你必须时时小心不要喝得太多。你怎么知道你喝够了呢？好，我来告诉你。你看见酒吧那头有两盏灯吗？当那两盏灯看起来变成四盏的时候，你就喝够了，应该回家了。 “可是，爸爸。”汤姆说：“在酒吧那头我只能看见一盏灯。” <br/>

china8boy

I'm start in three months' time <br/><br/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Rose left school when she was seventeen.and then went to look for work,Rose went to several offices,and at last chose one of them.she went to the office again and said to the manager,"I want to work here,but what will you pay me?" <br/>&nbsp;&nbsp; "we'll pay you 27 pounds now,and 30 pounds after three months." <br/>&nbsp;&nbsp; Rose thought for a few seconds before she answered,Then she said,"All right, then I'll start in three months time". <br/><br/>

china8boy

三个月后我再开始 <br/><br/>Rose 17岁时毕业了，然后开始找工作，她去了好多个公司。最后选择了一家，她再次来到那个办公室时对经理说道：“我想在这儿工作，不过你能给我多少薪水呢？”“我们现在行付27英镑，3个月后再给你30英镑”。Rose想了一会回答道：“好吧，那么我三个月之后再开始工作吧。”<br/>

china8boy

和上帝对话 <br/><br/>A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" <br/><br/>一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." <br/><p><br/></p>

china8boy

辩护 <br/><br/>“Your Honor,” the accused hit-and –run driver’s lawyer pleaded, “that man who was injured must have been careless. My client is an experienced driver of more than 20 years.” <br/>“If experience is the issue here,” the other attorney countered, “my client has been walking for over fifty years.” <br/><br/><br/>“大人，”被告逃逸司机的律师辩护说，“那个受伤的人一定是自己粗心。我的当事人是一个有20多年驾龄的老手。” <br/>“如果这里的问题在于经验的话，”另一位律师说，“我的当事人已有了50多年的走龄了。” <br/><p><br/></p>

china8boy

A Girl Just Like Mother <br/><br/>No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother． A friend gave him advice． <br/>“Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her． <br/>So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girl．He told his friendly adviser： <br/>“Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like mother．And just as you said，mother liked her” <br/>“So，”asked the friend，“what happened？” <br/>“Nothing，”said the young man．“My father hates her！” <br/><br/>无论带哪一个女孩回家，这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说： <br/>“找一个和你母亲一样的女孩——那她一定会喜欢她。” <br/>于是这位青年人不停地找啊找，终于找到了这么个女孩。 <br/>他对他友好的忠告者说： <br/>“正像你说的那样，我找到一个长相、谈吐、穿着打扮，甚至连烹饪都和我母亲一样的女孩。也正像你说的那样，我母亲喜欢她。” <br/>“那后来呢？”朋友问。 <br/>“没什么，”青年人说。“我父亲讨厌她！” <br/>