[转帖][funny]2005 New Employee Rules & Regulations from Human Resources

jiey

2005 New Employee Rules & Regulations from Human Resources
　　
　　Dress Code
　　* It is advised that you come to work dressed accordingly to your
　　salary.
　　* If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
　　you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.
　　* If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
　　that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a pay rise.
　　* If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
　　therefore do not need a raise.
　　
　　Sick Days
　　* We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness.
　　If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
　　
　　Personal Days
　　* Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
　　Saturday and Sunday.
　　
　　Toilet Use
　　Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
　　There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles. At the
　　end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
　　will retract, the cubicle door will open and a picture will be taken.
　　After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
　　bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders category“. Anyone caught
　　smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental
　　health policy!
　　
　　Lunch Break
　　* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so
　　that they can look healthy.
　　* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
　　maintain their average figure.
　　* Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed
　　to drink a slim fast.
　　
　　Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
　　positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
　　concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
　　insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
　　and input should be directed elsewhere.
　　
　　Thank you
　　The Human Resources Department

huy

还有这样的公司？